This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
