i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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