ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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