this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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