absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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