I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
