My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
