Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Congratulations! We have a period
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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