and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
