Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
