Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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