Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
