There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
