It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
someone owes me an orgasm
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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