So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
