Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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