May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
