apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
