I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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