no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
