After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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