i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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