well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
