508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
