I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
