I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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