He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
