Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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