Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
