remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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