dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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