u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
