We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
