i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
