So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
