nut hugger
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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