wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
