we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
thus making me awesome and them whores
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
