Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
