I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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