You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
