i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
