He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
