if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i will never coherently bang her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
how does that bad decision feel?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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