his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
