I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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