You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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