I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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