my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
