Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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