i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
