Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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