I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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