There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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