The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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