so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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