Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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