Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's the barista slut.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
