Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
