I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
