guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
