When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
