How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
