are you still at the devil's house?
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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