I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
