don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
